Kick the Mean Girl Out of Your Brain
By: Kayleigh La Gray, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern
Have you ever stopped to think that the meanest person in your life might be someone very close to home? I’m not talking about the noisy neighbor or the coworker you clashed with. I’m talking about the voice in your head that tells you, “You’re not good enough” or “What makes you think you can do that?” This voice can be exhausting to deal with, and truthfully, it’s time to let her go.
It’s still early in the year, and people are eager to focus on self-care and prioritize themselves. So, why not make this year all about YOU and BYOBFF – be your own best friend forever? Let’s discuss how to quiet our inner critic and replace it with our own biggest cheerleader – ourselves.
Meet the Mean Girl in Your Mind
Negative self-talk is like that inner mean girl who loves to bully us. Our inner critic is the voice that constantly judges us and criticizes our worth. Here’s the thing: you don’t have to give it power. We all have days when we don’t feel our best, and that’s okay. Nobody is always on top of their game. The key is to recognize it’s okay not to feel 100% – and it’s okay to shut down that inner mean girl when she starts talking trash. If you wouldn’t let someone toxic trash-talk you all day, you definitely don’t need to let that inner voice take over your thoughts.
How to Dump Your Inner Critic and Love Your New BFF
1. Flip the Script
When your friend tells you that they’re doubting themselves, do you sit there and agree with them? Absolutely not! As the queen you are, you’d say something like, “Girl, you’re not a failure; you’re just learning!” Well, guess what? Do the same with yourself. This is called thought reframing. Reframing can turn negative thoughts into opportunities for growth. Next time your inner mean girl says, “That was a dumb mistake,” tell her, “I’m human. Mistakes are part of the journey. Growth isn’t always pretty!”
2. Name Her and Tell Her to Take a Hike!
Let’s get real, recognizing when your thoughts are coming from YOU versus your inner mean girl is essential. And here’s a little trick: give her a name. Is she Negative Nancy? Judgy Janice? Critical Cathy? Whatever you choose, take back the power! The next time she opens her mouth, tell her, “Cathy, I hear you, but I do not have time for your lies today.”
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion isn’t just about treating yourself to a $7 Starbucks latte (though I can get down with that) or a stroll through Home Goods. It’s easy to practice self-love when everything is going perfectly. But how about those days when you’re feeling like hot garbage? That’s when self-compassion really matters. Practicing self-compassion means being kind to yourself when life feels heavy, acknowledging when you’re struggling, and being gentle instead of judgmental. You’d give your bestie grace during tough times, right? Well, extend the same kindness to yourself.
4. Build a Hype Squad
Your friends, family, and loved ones are your support system—so why would you leave yourself out of that squad? A few ways to build your own hype squad: Make a list of things you love about yourself or slap some positive affirmations around your house (or maybe just have them as your phone screensaver). Research shows that positive self-affirmation can reduce negative emotions and improve how we perceive ourselves. So, just like you’d hype up a girlfriend at brunch with “YAS GIRL, YOU’RE KILLING IT,” make sure you’re saying the same things to yourself every single day.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
We’re all guilty of brushing off the little victories. Why do we only throw parties for the big milestones—promotions, weddings, new homes? Don’t get me wrong, those are amazing accomplishments, but let’s not forget about the small wins. Woke up when you didn’t feel like it? Win. Sent that email you’ve been avoiding? Win. Took care of yourself in the middle of chaos? Win. When you start cheering yourself on for even the tiniest steps, your brain learns that you are worthy of recognition and encouragement.
6. Don’t Wait for an Invitation—ASK FOR HELP!
Here’s where it gets a little spicy. Mental health matters just as much as physical health, and you deserve the same attention and care. But here’s the thing: that inner mean girl can convince us that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Wrong. It’s okay to seek support. Behavioral Health Counseling services are available at No-Cost, from Michelle’s Place, for anyone affected by cancer, offering emotional and psychological support. From managing stress to dealing with anxiety and fear, these services help you take care of your mind while you’re fighting for your health. So next time your inner critic says, “You should just handle this on your own,” tell her to take a hike! Asking for help is not just a sign of strength, it’s a superpower. Take control of your mental health and let go of that negative chatter.
Final Thoughts: New Relationship Status… You + You = Forever
Here’s a mind-blowing thought for you: the longest relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Whoa. That’s right, you’re stuck with YOU for the long haul. So why settle for a toxic, judgmental relationship when it could be a beautiful Hallmark movie? Ditch that mean girl, embrace self-compassion, and start being the BFF you’ve always deserved. You’ve got this, girl. And remember you are worthy of every ounce of love, care, and support you give to others, especially from yourself. You + You = Best friends forever. Let’s make it happen.
Our Behavioral Health Department is being led by our wonderful therapist trainees, under the supervision of Licensed Psychotherapist, Shanda M. Brennan, MSW, LCSW #92487
At Michelle’s Place, taking care of you is at the heart of everything they do—because when you’re navigating a cancer journey, your well-being matters more than ever. They offer a wide range of supportive services including educational seminars on relationships and healthy living, mental health support groups, and individual counseling. For those looking to recharge and reconnect, their self-care creative arts classes, wellness classes like yoga, sound baths, and Reiki provide healing from the inside out. Whether you’re a patient, survivor, or caregiver, you don’t have to do this alone. Learn more and explore their full list of services at michellesplace.org/services.
